so i've been asked if im really over him again.
i probably get that question once a day, on average.
i dont deny that im always writing about him.
my life revolved around him.
we go way back..from sec three.
that's a lot of history i think.
we were very much integrated in each other's lives.
we know each other's families well,
extended, god-mum etc included.
my parents know his parents,
even my grandmothers know his parents.
he tutored my cousin, im still tutoring his cousin.
and im still in contact with his family.
yes. it's something highly uncommon.
not advisable i've been told.
but how does one remove people who've been so close to you from your life? the relationship i've with his family isnt a 'hi uncle, hi auntie' sorts, but personal friendships. his sisters've been really nice and supportive of me throughout, they even spoke up for me when everything finally spiralled downhill. they didnt have to do that; they could have just chosen to watch on. it was pure graciousness. his mother confided in me her experiences with love and family after that. his father called me personally on the eve of his departure, urging me to go for dinner with them. and they went to china last nov and bought something for me too. his maternal grandmother took such great care of me over lunch on the day he left; she made sure i wasnt left out. his paternal grandmother often asks about me, even till now.
i've never heard my friends regale me with tales of how nice their bfs' families are to them, let alone ex-es' families.
it isnt about magnamity. although a lot of you think im being really magnaminous about the whole thing.
if you know me well enough, you'll know that i never forget humanity and i dont let soured relations with someone affect my relations with those close to him or her.
yes at times i really hate him but for all his failings towards the end, my ex is a great guy; he's like no other. only people like fengyi who saw us through the whole journey, right from day one that i knew him, will know. my maternal grandmother always praises him to the nines to her sisters. ade used to rib me about being so xin fu. he loved me too much, but it gradually came to a point whereby my love for him far exceeded his love for me.
I hate to show that I've lost control
Cos I, I keep going right back
To the one thing that I need...
I'm about to break
I guess I missed it
I'm addicted to your lure
And I'm feeling for a cure
Every step I take
Leads to one mistake
I keep going right back
To the one thing that I need...
-walkaway.christinaaguilera-
when we first started out, i was always very rational, adamant in fact that we were too different to be together.
but i realised that my attraction to him was fuelled by him being what im not.
and im probably his Achilles' heel, the one thing that he doesnt know how to handle.
With so many people
To love in my life
Why do I worry
About one
But you put the happy
In my ness
You put the good times
Into my fun
We've tried the goodbye
So many days
We walk in the same direction
So that we could never stray
They say if you love somebody
Than you have got to set them free
But I would rather be locked to you
Than live in this pain and misery
They say time will
Make all this go away
But it's time that has taken my tomorrows
And turned them into yesterdays
And once again that rising sun
Is dropping on down
And once again you
Are nowhere to be found
And it's so hard to do
And so easy to say
But sometimes
Sometimes you just have to walk away
Walk away
And head for the door
-walkaway.benharper-
i dont think i can ever forget him. him leaving is akin to a demise of one so close to the heart.
maybe i wont be able to move on totally because a part of me will always be pining for him, but at least i recognise and acknowledge that he's the past. it's only for the best, for both of us. we have to find ourselves first.
Like the roses which have fallen,
You are only a lingering memory of beauty.
A shadow of a dream...
The final strain of a song that I will forever sing.
A song of summertime, and roses.