Talking to myself and feeling old
Sometimes i'd like to quit
Nothing ever seems to fit
Hanging around, nothing to do but frown
Rainy days and mondays always get me down
What i've got they used to call the blues
Nothing is really wrong
Feeling like I don't belong
Walking around some kind of lonely clown
Rainy days and mondays always get me down
-rainydaysandmondays.carpenters-
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it's monday. the dawning of a new week that also signifies the passing of yet another week. and today was another idleness-in-its-entirety day. EachHourEachSecondEachMinuteEachDay of my life i think back about what just transpired a second, a minute, an hour, a day, a week, a year, a decade ago. gosh. im really wasting my life away thinking about too many superfluous stuffs.
a growing weariness and detachment from the world. from people. from everything familiar. im staring into space too much. feeling too much emptiness. feeling disorientated too often. i've lost myself along the way. i dont know when, where and how. did i change a lot? did i become someone you can no longer relate to? am i still the person whom you grew up with; projects, playing and dining at one another's places, outings to the bird park, picnic by chi garden etc? am i still the person whom you fondly wrote letters to and treasured so much that you felt sad because you claimed i was a social butterfly and had no time for you? am i still the person whom you confided in about our common crush and that first failed r/s? am i still the person with whom you rocked with uncontrollable laughter in public till we ended up squatting and embarrassing ourselves? am i still the same person whom you addressed as da mei and confided in even though we never moved in the same clique? am i still the person who spent most sat afternoons sittin with you on a rock and sharing our lives? am i still the person whom you affectionately tagged chang le bao bao?
wansi. you said i changed. maybe that's why we hardly laugh together anymore and when we chat on the phone or meet up, im doing most of the talking. talking about random stuffs. sometimes these calls feel like desperate attempts to stay connected.girl im sorry that i only really asked you out on your bdays after we left rv.
eileen, qiyue and yuyan. i really treasure our long-standing friendships. yan, you are still very much a part of us. dont ever forget that.
yunyun. u are always there. quietly but unfaltering.
huichoon, sabrina, we dont seem to be any part of one another's lives anymore but you'll always be in my heart.
qiaoyan. candy. jinglin. thong. hong jie. shanwei. noteworthy 2e pals. genuine and warm. lower sec days were the best years of my schooling experiences by far. thx guys.
huijie. doreen. part of memorable moments from 2e too.
janice. im sorry that i made you feel neglected. i want you to know you are very impt to me.
fengyi. i've not seen you since hc maf'03 and i miss you a lot. i told him before that btw you and him, i would choose him. but really, bfs come and go. friends dont. and you are one of the bestest friends i've.
yongmin. i dont regret that crush one bit.
sheena. im sorry that i was never there for you during jc years, that we drifted apart. you've done more for me than i ever did for you. luv ya babe.
huiwen. i miss the camaraderie we shared before those turbulent times.
euphie. im blessed to have you as my friend. no one ever called me from overseas just to chat and make sure im ok except you. no one would ask her ex to come talk to me whenever i was at some crossroads. thx dearie.
hannah. every little thing u did for me, thx. and i'll always be your fren too, no matter that.
xiuxian. luv ya too. do u even know how touched i was that you went all the way to the airport to give me support when he went off? i cried also because i was upset with myself for not appreciating friends like you more prior to that.
shujun. babe you are such a dear. thx, you came out that day too. i've to say again that im glad we are closer now.
mich. u always did jazz things up and made me laugh. you still do. and talentime wouldnt have been so fun without you.
ade. kelly. yanting. yonghui. waiteng. ber. ernest. you people have given me much joy and beautiful memories from choir. thx so much.
timo. life would be quite dull without you. thx.
jianyang. zining. lijun. peiying. hok him. sianying. s made my life a nightmare but you all made things better. thx.
wenjia. you are a very special person. hugz. thx for all the reassurance and your faith in me. i'll be a good gal and i'll be strong about things.
all these wonderful wonderful people.. i really miss the good ole' times. and it's really sad that for some of you, you and i are no longer involved in each other's lives. i dont want to feel the surging unfamiliarity whenever i bump into one of you. i would like the past to be integrated in my future too but it's painful, because the past contains too much of him.
and the sentiments i felt a moment ago have once again dispelled. a fickle mind at work indeed.
sheena
